Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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