Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I accidentally burped into my bong.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
