just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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