i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
