so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize