I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
