Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
