I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
