worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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