Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
