I wish I only lived at night.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
