Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
