4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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