Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
