wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
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