you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
