You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
