Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
