Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
