cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
