I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
