now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
