So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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