If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
