Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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