One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
