There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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