An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
