I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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