so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
