only you would photoshop your dick
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
