i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
cat food counts as protein by the way
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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