imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
