suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
