I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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