I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
