Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
