yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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