I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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