This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
