The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
ok first of all what the fuck
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
