i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
