is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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