I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
