Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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