man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
