3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
