I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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