I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
