If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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