meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
