How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
