dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
