____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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