Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
