you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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