Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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