so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
