something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I believe in your delicious
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
