What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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