I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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