I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
