i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Sext me about skeletons
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
