I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
