i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
