im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I need a beard to bite.
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