I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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