fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
