You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
FUCK WHALES
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
