doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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