and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
